Islam regards marriage as a beautiful way to unite two souls as one in a honorable and dignified manner that earns both parties Allah's pleasure. This is the purest form in which both can ultimately fulfill their roles and enjoy the full essence of all that life has to offer. (Kitab Al-Nikah. Sahih Muslim, Book 8).
Marriage is also a Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad (SAW). It is considered the bedrock of the Islamic society, and when two morally and spiritually aware individuals get married, they help each other attain admirable heights in all aspects of their lives; spiritually and otherwise. It is therefore not absurd or unusual that a lot of Muslims aspire to get married and have families of their own.
In recent times however, it has been quite hard for Muslims to find the right spouses. Unmarried, divorced or widowed; young or relatively older; the ease at which people used to find spouses of their choosing has been on a constant decline, and at an alarming rate. There are varying factors that can be attributed to this. This article however focuses on halal (permissible) ways to find spouses despite all the hardships that seem to hinder Muslims from finding one.
1. Ask Allah
The Muslim's prerogative would be to rely on Allah SWT completely for all of their needs and wants, but some may consider this impractical. This is especially true in the world we live in today where everyone wants quick results, seeking means to solve all of our problems by ourselves. Even when we do say we rely on Allah, our actions and reactions to getting undesirable results after working hard towards our goals belie our words.
This first step is however essential regardless of whatever method we employ in seeking our spouse. With Allah SWT lies the book of our lives, in His hands lies all Rizq. With Him lies more love than the world can ever conceive. He is the only one capable of granting you all that you seek in a spouse and in a marriage. So ask Him to grant you one, trusting that He will grant you even better than you could have ever imagined.
Allah knows that which troubles our hearts. He knows what our soul yearns for, even when our minds cannot properly comprehend it. Yet, He still wants us to ask. So raise your hands and ask, trusting that Allah is sufficient for you.
"O Prophet! Allah is sufficient for you and for the believers who follow you." (Surah Al-Anfal (8), Ayah 64.)
Du'a is one of the most beneficial remedies. It is the enemy of calamity; it repels it, cures it, prevents its occurrence and alleviates it or reduces it if it befalls [one]. It is the weapon of the believer. –Ibn Qayyim.
Khadija (RA) met Rasoolullah (SAW) while he worked for her. She was attracted to his honesty, impeccable work ethics, and high moral standing. These were values that she held dear and deemed relevant in a spouse and so she sought his hands in marriage. She was a woman, widowed and older than the Prophet SAW – all of the reasons why a lot of Muslims today would hesitate to take similar steps.
There is however nothing wrong in this, as evidenced in the beautiful marital life they both led after their marriage. This particular example seeks to highlight the fact that this point not only speaks to the males but also the female Muslims. So instead of taking a laid back approach to seeking a spouse, the sisters can also seek good Muslim spouses. It could be a man whose character and deen you have admired over time within your mosque, work environment or even social circle.
It is however important to note that regardless of the intention, Islam remains a dignified and pure religion, with no intent to compromise the dignity of its followers in any way. Muslims must constantly hold themselves in high regard. The same applies to seeking a spouse, one must ensure not to compromise themselves in this process.
Just like our mother Khadija (RA) engaged the counsel of her trusted servant in speaking to the Prophet SAW about her intentions; Muslims should seek means to express their intentions without risking losing their dignity. This can apply in varying ways, but as long as both parties seek to observe the precautions Islam has laid out, Allah will constantly provide support and guide them accordingly in their pursuit.
3. Halal Matchmaking
This is splendid for people who have found it hard to get a spouse but are unwilling to go the traditional route of engaging their parents or other people directly in their search. In some cases, this is due to living in societies where there isn't family members around to help with the search or there aren't just many options in close vicinity.
There are so many provisions made today for Muslims who intend to get married. They come in form of websites (ilmnikah.com), conferences, speed dates, etc. organized by Islamic community centers or concerned Muslim individuals.
Most of these places are run by conscientious Muslims who know about the doctrines of Islam when it comes to matchmaking and strive to ensure that these places are Halal. They prioritize the Deen when vetting their clients, and help you narrow down your search by highlighting key value systems that may or may not appeal to you. Another benefit is that these platforms either remove the need to physically interact; or enable you to do so in the midst of other Muslims, while you are all chaperoned in an open space.
A beautiful way to make it further halal is to involve your families as soon as you both indicate an interest in taking it beyond these platforms. Here, you are now aware and have indicated interest in a possible match. This way, your mahrams (an adult family member who is haram to marry) can be present during further communication.
In cases where two parties move on to having phone conversations due to inability to physically meet, you can have conference calls with loved ones of either parties present. Not only will this reduce the chances of committing Zina greatly, it will enable your mahram to make a further assessment of this person. They will also get to know each other and create rapport. All of this will be done while at the same time, protecting your modesty.
4. Involve your Wali
In Islam, the Wali is the woman's protector or guardian. The person who is in charge of her affairs before marriage. The Wali does not have to be the father or even have blood ties to the woman. As long as he is a trusted Muslim who considers himself someone who plays a fatherly role in her life, she can entrust him with the duty of finding her a suitable spouse.
For a Muslim man, this can be anyone whose judgement he trusts. It could be an immediate family member or an upright Muslim in his community. At the end of the day, the decision to marry lies with both the male and the female that intend to marry.
There is nothing shameful about seeking help. That is in fact why the Muslim community is built on immense spirituality and high moral values. Amaanah (trust) is not to be taken lightly and when there is the fear of Allah, all affairs are conducted with grace and conscientiousness. Hence, as long as these people accept this role, they would most likely look to the best of sources and help you seek pious spouses by Allah's grace.
It is however important to note that honesty on both sides is highly important. When entrusting this in someone's hands, be clear on your wants, needs, and ultimate deal breakers. This way, the process can be easier for the person seeking a spouse for you. It also prevents discomfort on all sides later on.
The process is even smoother when your Wali is someone who knows your personality. They should be people you look up to spiritually and morally. People that want the best for you will always go the extra mile to ensure that you do not end up with the wrong spouse. This is why it is highly important that it is someone with a high sense of responsibility towards Allah and you. Someone who desires good for you.
May Allah SWT ease our paths. Ameen.
Allah SWT remains the ultimate Rabb (Lord) that grants us all of our wishes. He is the knower of all, the one who is aware of all secrets hidden, and all truths twisted. He is the custodian of time and giver of patience. With Him, all paths are guided and all roads are lit. Regardless of what path we choose to take in finding our spouses; may He SWT guide us all towards pious spouses, keep us firm in the deen and help keep our homes within the folds of Islam. Ameen.
This article was written by Sr. Rahmat Omole for ilmnikah.com. ilmnikah.com is a blog and a matrimonial platform for single Muslims living in the United States, Canada, UK, Turkey, South Africa, Morocco, Egypt, Australia, New Zealand or Germany. Visit our homepage and sign up to receive email updates from us. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Clubhouse and Telegram.
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