Top 5 important qualities to look for in a Husband.

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People marry for different reasons. These reasons could stem from varying perspectives, which include among others, cultural, social, and familial. These are all valid lenses through which to choose a suitable spouse for yourself, but there are certain qualities that should definitely be made a priority. This is especially true when you are selecting a husband as a Muslim woman. While all the remaining things put into consideration are important, it is vital that your spouse is someone that can help nourish your life as Allah SWT intended.
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...And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21)

This verse is a clear indication of the impactful role Allah SWT has intended for our spouses to play in ensuring that we live healthy lives. It is therefore important to ensure that the qualities mentioned below are present in a man.

Insha Allah, an article will be released in subsequent blog posts on how to check for these qualities in your suitors, more importantly, the qualities that are intangible. In the meantime, the most important qualities to look for in a husband include:

1. He must be a Muslim.
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember [Al-Baqarah 2:221].

O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine [i.e., test] them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them [Al-Mumtahanah 60:10].

Islam forbids a believing woman from marrying a non-Muslim man. We have to mention here that if he (non-Muslim man) chooses to become Muslim willingly and voluntarily, then there is nothing wrong with her marrying him as long as the they follow proper Islamic guidance.

2. He must be of sound character.

The Prophet (PBUH) said:
“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).

"A woman should make sure to marry a religious man with good character and not go for beauty, richness or lineage" {Shaykh Albani}

The Prophet SAW emphasized the need to marry a man who is a Muslim and who has good character. It is important to marry a man who understands and practices the religion and is able to let that positively impact his mannerisms and behavior. This is the kind of man every Muslim woman that desires a holistic home should go for. A man who sincerely fears Allah will fear hurting you. A man who sincerely loves Allah will love you for the sake of Allah and fulfill all of your rights upon Him.

3. He must share core values with you.

“Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26]

It is very possible for a man to be a Muslim yet have intrinsic values and priorities that differ from yours. Even within the realm of spirituality as a Muslim, our perspectives vary, and this can largely influence the priorities we place on different aspect of our lives. It also influences our decision making. Outside religion and spirituality, there are certain core intrinsic values that we have honed over time. All of these things define our character and outlook on life. It is imperative that we seek a spouse that sees eye to eye with us on these things, to prevent conflicts from ensuing after marriage.

This is especially important for women, as it is quite easy to find yourself compromising your core values or find yourself in distasteful situations because your spouse has different ideals. This builds resentment over time and resentment can spiral into other bitter emotions and actions that can eventually lead to the dissolution of the marriage. Even those that stay, find that they are unhappy and dissatisfied with the kind of lives they live. May Allah SWT protect us from regrets. Ameen.

4. He must be able to financially cater to a family's needs.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…” (Narrated by Muslim, 1480)

A Muslim man has a duty towards his family, and that duty includes being able to provide for them. While he doesn't have to be wealthy to be deemed ready for marriage, he has to be able to cater for at the very least, the necessities of himself and his household. This is especially important because Muslim women could actually opt to stay at home and cater to their family as opposed to engaging in a career.

The inability of a man to provide for his family puts the family at economic and social risk, as well as places them at the mercy of those around them to get by on a daily basis. This is highly unadvisable especially in the world we live in today that demands that a Muslim home be well equipped to protect its honor and dignity. Financial freedom is one of the ways to ensure that.

5. He should have mercy towards women and children.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot.

Socially, physically, and culturally, women and children are considered the weakest in the family setting. It is important to know that this can be very daunting in the hands of men who are well aware of this, and choose to play on their perceived strengths at the expense of their wives and family.

A good Muslim man that seeks your hand must be a kind and merciful person who would not only ensure to never bring you harm, but sees it as his duty to use whatever strength and privileges he has to protect you as well as your children. Domestic abuse and gender based violence is real, and Muslim homes are not exempted from this. This is therefore a crucial point to note.

There is a lot more that can make or break a marriage outside the points highlighted above, especially as you start to streamline the qualities you require in a man according to your individual specifications. These points are however beautiful starting points that can help you rule out highly unlikely or unacceptable candidates before anything else is considered.

May Allah (SWT) grant us the insight to identify pious spouses and protect us from the ills of deceit and facade others might put up to appear more favorable in our sight. May Allah guard and guide us all  through our selection process and grant us beautiful spouses to accompany us in this world and the hereafter.  May Allah SWT grant us spouses that will be the coolness of our eyes. Ameen.

This article was written by Sr. Rahmat Omole for ilmnikah.com. ilmnikah.com is a blog and a matrimonial platform for single Muslims living in the United States, Canada, UK, Turkey, South Africa, Morocco, Egypt, Australia, New Zealand or Germany. Visit our homepage and sign up to receive email updates from us. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Clubhouse and Telegram.

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JazakumAllahu Khairan.
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