Top Habits of Happy Muslim Couples
Marriage is an institution founded on intentionality and an innate desire to spend your entire life with a partner. A lot of people will also tell you that it requires the most dedication and sacrifices. Yet, there is no denying that everyone knows a happy Muslim couple or two. Those couples whose marital life is so blissful that their happiness in marriage is visible to everyone around.
In this article, we explore the top Habits of Happy Muslim Couples so that we can all draw some inspiration from them. The couples that will be used as reference will be from the best of the Muslim Ummah, the Prophet SAW and his wives; as well as the companions around him.
These habits include light hearted ones that can be immediately incorporated into our lives as Muslim couples. There are also more insightful ones that require a change in perspective and may take loads of practice as well as a heightened level of spirituality to pull off. They are as follows:
1. They have 'dates'.
They literally share sweet food like dates together. Food is not only eaten for sustenance, but for enjoyment as well. It is therefore no wonder that a lot of couples would rather have dates centered around food. This can be popcorn and slush at the movies, or a picnic in the fields, or even sharing cups of tea or coffee.
Some couples also enjoy cooking together, even if one of them does nothing but engage in banter with their partners as they watch them cook.
Even though cooking is mostly culturally relegated to the women, the Prophet SAW on countless times helped his wives with their chores. It takes the focus away from the strain of hardwork and makes it enjoyable as you are with your beloved.
Speaking of activities, the Prophet SAW would separate himself from his companions and engage in horse races with Aisha RA. Engaging in activities that thrill each other would always lead to an increase in endorphins – happy hormones. So every Muslim couple should definitely seek exciting ventures that they can enjoy with their spouses.
Also, just like the Prophet SAW, it doesn't always have to be within the home. Whether they are long vacations, short stays, or a few hours outside your usual environment, enjoy each other's company with no distractions. Your spouses will be happier and so will you Insha Allah.
2. They enjoy intimacy.
Muslims are forbidden from having sexual relations outside marriage. This is one of the reasons why Islam strongly recommends marriage for all who can. It is therefore disagreeable that spouses cannot fully attain pleasure with themselves even though they are lawful upon each other.
The inability to enjoy or engage in sex should not be deemed normal on the sides of either the female or male. Reasons for this could be unavoidable scenarios like medical conditions that are debilitating or that make sexual relations uncomfortable. It could also be a lackadaisical attitude on the part of one or both spouses towards improving their sexual health and compatibility. Regardless, every couple should actively seek means to improve their intimacy, even if it means seeking professional help.
Not only will this make the spouses happy, it will increase the affection between them and strengthen the marital bond that they share. Something else to note is that intimacy does not have to involve having sexual relations with your spouse.
The Prophet SAW used to share a bath with Aisha RA. Many times when Aisha RA would be on her period, she and the Prophet SAW would still cuddle and pet each other. It never stopped them from occupying the same bed even though they both were aware that there could be no sexual relations between them at that time.
So, exchange flirty kisses from time to time as the day progresses. Also have hugs, short and long. Use the sensation of touch to your advantage and make your partner feel desired, wanted, and appreciated. All of this will only boost happiness within your home.
3. When one blows hot…
The other blows cold. It is a myth that happy Muslim couples do not fight, have fallouts or disagreements. It is only expected that where two people share such an intimate bond as marriage, there is friction here and there. Usually, it is never anticipated. However, while conflict can never really be avoided, it can be properly managed to ensure that it does not steal the happiness within the home.
When having disagreements, couples need to understand that it is more important for peace to reign than for both of you to be right. Also, when one of the couples is having a hard time controlling their anger, the other person must take it upon themselves to control theirs. Islam tells us that the strongest of Muslims is the one who is able to back away in times of anger.
If one person chooses to remain calm, the other person will eventually follow suit. It does not mean that they get to have the last say, it means that you can try having a proper conversation with them when they are calmer. They will most definitely listen while you make your point because you allowed them first. You can then proceed to voice your disappointment in how they handled themselves and seek better means to ensure more amiable discussions later on.
If you are more prone to blowing hot, you might have to take anger management classes and enroll in therapy with your spouse to learn how to better communicate with each other. Excellent communication does wonders in attaining happiness in marriage.
4. They cater to each other.
Oftentimes, Aisha RA would groom the Prophet SAW's hair by combing, oiling, and perfuming it. She used to help him in ensuring that he looked his best and was able to lovingly assist him in grooming.
There have also been recounts of how the Prophet SAW would extend his hands for Aisha RA to step on to enable her mount her ride easily. He (SAW) would then lift her atop it himself.
Chivalry is not a foreign concept to Muslims and should be practiced by every Muslim couple. There is something beautiful about helping your spouse in mundane actions that they can easily do by themselves. It goes beyond the act itself. It is the thought behind it. The love that propels it. The thoughtfulness that it involves. It says to your spouse 'I want to serve and honor you, even in the littlest of things.' Nothing would make them happier.
5. They have good counsel.
When the Prophet Muhammad SAW came running to Khadijat RA, shivering, she comforted him and ran to her cousin, Waraqah, who counseled her wisely.
When Fatimah az-Zahra, the beloved daughter of the prophet SAW approached her father for help regarding her household chores, he gave her sound advice.
Both these women were beloved to the people they approached. Both of them were facing difficulties, albeit in peculiar ways. All marriages will have instances like this. Countless men also approached the Messenger of Allah SAW for counsel as regards their marriages. Sometimes, it is not to complain, but like our mothers, to seek help in understanding and better managing our homes.
In approaching them however, we have to be careful. Surrounding ourselves with loving and spiritually grounded people means that when we do seek their advice, they are able to give it to us from a place of genuine love and responsibility, yet also from a place of truth because of their spiritual inclinations. This is what every Muslim couple needs. People who want their happiness even more than they – the couple – want it.
6. They strive together towards Jannah.
During the time of the boycott, Khadijat RA opened up her stores and gave her supplies to the cause of the Muslims. While Prophet Muhammad SAW served Allah by proclaiming Islam the true religion, she helped to sustain the Muslims with her wealth until she died.
Even when Abdullah RA and Fatimah az-Zahra were struggling financially, they would both give all that they had to charity.
Even as they built beautiful lives for themselves on earth, they strove towards Jannah together by sacrificing their properties and wealth. There is no greater happiness than knowing that your intimacy is spiritual, and your love for Allah is mutual. When you pray for Jannah, it is beseeching Allah to make you lovers there as well.
7. They are loyal to each other.
When the Prophet SAW had to go to cave Hira for 40 days, leaving behind Khadijat RA and his family, people made fun of her. They taunted her and spread tales of how she had been ripped off her wealth and abandoned by her husband.
When the Prophet faced brutal scrutiny for speaking about Islam, and his enemies decided to punish his daughters for his actions, Zainab RA's husband stood his ground. He refused to divorce his wife at the expense of losing the ties to his clan. He stood by her even when he was not in support of Islam at the time.
The most happy couples recorded in our Seerahs faced the toughest of adversaries. Their circumstances often led to temporary separations. Their union was threatened by war and family. Yet, they stood by each other every time, choosing to believe in their spouses and trust in the marriage that they had built together.
All of these couples were rewarded with beautiful moments that made them more beloved to each other; such that while they were alive they were the happiest, and when one died leaving the other; their hearts yearned in sadness for the happiness that they once shared.
Happiness in this world is fleeting, but with the habits cited above, you can enjoy as much happiness as possible with beautiful moments that make up meaningful lives spent with your spouses. May yours be happy marriages. May yours be blessed unions, bringing you joy and happiness that last till Jannah. Ameen.
This article was written by Sr. Rahmat Omole for ilmnikah.com. ilmnikah.com is a blog and a matrimonial platform for single Muslims living in the United States, Canada, UK, Turkey, South Africa, Morocco, Egypt, Australia, New Zealand or Germany. Visit our homepage and sign up to receive email updates from us. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Clubhouse and Telegram.
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